I made this slide show in the dark days before I had to turn Wilbur in to CCI for advanced training. I chose the song because I thought it would be inspiring, since he was going to be a service dog and "stand by" his handler to enrich life and promote independence. I was full of self pity and sentiment. I never realized how difficult it would be to give him back, how life as I knew it had changed but way to the better.
The images are pretty much chronological, and they show how busy we were, training, playing and meeting people. The pictures really represent the 16 months I had him, and show Rob, Ernie, one of the Speedo Boys, Central Park picnics, St. Hubert's camp volunteers Cara, Kylie, Morgan in the hospital, Girl Scout classes, Len, Esther, trainer LA, and the last visit to Central Park and our last walks. It was everything we'd done.
After he was gone, I realized it was like grieving a break-up with a boyfriend. I would pass our "places" and not bear to look at them. I took circuitous routes to avoid them. My thoughts went, He's probably not thinking of me. He loves Lauren (his CCI trainer) now. He's forgotten me. He's moved on and I haven't.
Given the choice (and I would have a choice, since CCI allows its graduate recipients to have contact and relationships with each other) I never wanted to see him again. He wouldn't know me and the relationship would not be there.
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| Wilbur July 2012 Poolside, by my side |
He knew me. He listened to me. When they were loading Tony into the van by the curb, I stayed by the pool at the back of the house, but then found a cellphone someone left behind. I walked to the front of the house and called out, asking who was missing their phone.
And Wilbur bolted, broke leash and came to me. He would not go back until I walked with him to the van.
He didn't forget. He wanted to be with me. That wasn't supposed to make me feel good, but it did. He was still mine.
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